Fallen Angels: Πέρασε μια δύσκολη νύχτα....

Δευτέρα 30 Σεπτεμβρίου 2013

Πέρασε μια δύσκολη νύχτα....

Και όμως, ξέρω ποια είναι αυτά που μας χωρίζουν. Τα έχουμε συζητήσει άπειρες φορές. Γιατί όμως δε λέω να το αποδεχτώ; Ίσως τελικά να είναι πιο δύσκολο να προχωρήσω όταν ξέρω πως δεν με έχεις βλάψει. Δεν μου έχεις φερθεί άσχημα. Και ο μόνος λόγος που δεν μπορούμε να μαστε μαζί δεν βασίζεται στο ότι δεν το θέλεις. Και όμως. Όταν μου έστειλες μήνυμα στις 5μιση η ώρα πετάχτηκα! Και αυτομάτως χάρηκα τόσο πολύ που είχα να ακούσω νέα σου δυο μέρες τώρα.

Χθες το βράδυ τελείωσα ένα πακέτο τσιγάρα, ακούγοντας τόσο πιο καταθλιπτική μουσική όσο δεν πήγαινε άλλο, νιώθοντας χάλια, που δεν είσαι εδώ, που δεν μπορώ να σε αγγίξω, να πέσω στην αγκαλιά σου και να χαθούν όλες οι σκέψεις από το μυαλό μου απλά και μόνο επειδή με κρατάς.
Μετά από αυτά, πώς μπορώ να προχωρήσω; Το δηλώνω. Δεν μπορώ. Ίσως είμαι προκατειλημμένη από τώρα (πράγμα άσχημο) αλλά δεν μπορώ να το κάνω. Το βλέπω λάθος για μένα και ας ξέρω πως αργότερα θα γυρίσει ακόμα χειρότερα σε μένα, αυτή τη στιγμή το βλέπω λάθος να πάψω να πιστεύω σε εμάς. Δεν πιστεύω πως αξίζει στον εαυτό μου. Μου έδωσες τόσα πολλά όσα ποτέ κανείς. Και είναι λάθος να σταματήσω να ονειρεύομαι. Ακόμα και αν δεν πρόκειται να συνεχίσει. Απλά δεν μπορώ....

Βγαίνω, πίνω, ξενυχτώ, περνάω καλά, αλλά ούτε μια στιγμή δε φεύγεις από το μυαλό μου. Δεν μπορώ να σε βγάλω. Έχεις μια δική σου φωλιά σαν μικρό πουλί που επιστρέφει στη φωλιά του για να κουρνιάσει, έτσι και εσύ μένεις μέσα συνέχεια. Ακόμα και στον ύπνο μου. Δεν έχει περάσει νύχτα τις τελευταίες 14 μέρες που δεν σε έχω δει στα όνειρά μου. Και ναι, τις έχω μετρήσει. 14 μέρες συνεχόμενα καταλαμβάνεις θέση στα όνειρά μου. Αφού δεν μπορώ να σε δω από κοντά, το μυαλό μου πλάθει εικόνες για να σε βλέπω έστω και έτσι...
Και όμως, τι θα γίνει; Πρέπει κάτι να πούμε, κάτι να συζητήσουμε. Δεν μπορούμε να είμαστε έτσι. Βέβαια αυτό τον καιρό, είμαι χαρούμενη και μόνο που μιλάμε. Όχι αρκετά όμως. Όπως πριν. Γιατί ξέρω ότι δε σε έχω. Και ΌΛΑ θυμίζουν εσένα. Η μυρωδιά σου στις πυτζάμες μου, τραγούδια, ήχοι και εικόνες.

Το όνομά σου, που όποτε το ακούσω, από οποιοδήποτε στόμα θα γυρίσω. Λες και θα σε δω να στέκεσαι εκεί. Απέναντι. Με το υπέροχο χαμόγελό σου που φωτίζει και τα μάτια σου. Αυτά τα πράσινα μάτια σου που ακόμα και η φύση θα τα ζήλευε. Που όταν λάμπουν τα μάτια σου, λάμπεις ολόκληρος.

Ξέρεις τι αδυναμία έχω στα μάτια σου. Και στο χαμόγελό σου. Είναι το πιο όμορφο χαμόγελο στη γη για μένα. Υπομονή. Όλοι λένε υπομονή. Και όντως, δεν υπάρχει κάτι άλλο που μπορώ να κάνω. Τίποτε άλλο παρά υπομονή. Δεν ξέρω πόσα αποθέματα έχω ακόμα. Φοβάμαι...Φοβάμαι πολύ....

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Λίζα30 Σεπτεμβρίου 2013 στις 7:59 μ.μ.
Είναι νωρίς ακόμη.. Ο χρόνος όλα τα γιατρεύει.. Συνέχισε να προχωράς και κάποια στιγμή θα συνηθίσεις την απουσία. Κάποτε μάλιστα θα τη συνηθίσεις τόσο πολύ που θα υπάρξουν στιγμές που δε θα τη θυμάσαι καν. Μέχρι να έρθει ξανά ο έρωτας στη ζωή σου και να σου χαμογελάσει ξανά :)
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Daemons

The devil's at his strongest while we're looking the other way, like a program running in the background silently, while we're busy doing other sh1t. Daemons, they call them. They perform action without user interaction. Monitoring, logging, notifications. Primal urges, repressed memories, unconscious habits. They're always there, always active. We can try to be right, we can try to be good. We can try to make a difference, but it's all bullshit. 'Cause intentions are irrelevant. They don't drive us. Daemons do. And me? I've got more than most.

Said...

I think everybody’s weird. We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it. - Johnny Depp
It’s better to burn out than to fade away. – Kurt Cobain
Who said nights were for sleep? – Marilyn Monroe
We only see two things in people, what we want to see and what they want to show us. – Dexter Morgan
To have been loved so deeply, even thought the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever. – J.K. Rowling
Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it. – Swedish proverb
Truth is everybody’s gonna hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for. – Bob Marley
I think a lot but I don’t say much. – Anne Frank
You don’t get another chance. Life is no Nintendo game. – Eminem
Have you ever noticed the saddest person always has the most beautiful smile? – Kid Cudi
Never think about something wrong you did in the past, always look forward with your head high; Have no regrets – Jared Leto
Just because you failed once doesn’t mean you’re going to fail at everything. – Marilyn Monroe
Whatever you are, be a good one. – Abraham Lincoln
Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls, the most massive characters are sealed with scars. – Khalil Gibran
There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s a lot wrong with the world you live in. – Chris Colfer
Always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will sweetie? – Marilyn Monroe
I desire the things which will destroy me in the end. – Sylvia Plath
My darling you can’t see it, can you? How like the moon you are. Both of you so timid in yourselves; hiding pieces from the world. Then, there are those rare moments when you both are full, and it becomes so hard to look away. You are beautiful. – Alexandria Drzewiecki
It is only with the heart that one see rightly; What is essential is invisible to the eyes. – Le Petit Prince
You don’t need religion to have morals. If you can’t determine right from wrong, then you lack empathy, not religion – Anonymous
In dreams we enter a world that is entirely our own. – Albus Dumbledore
Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are. – Kurt Cobain
Nobody dies a virgin. Life fucks us all. – Kurt Cobain
Quiet people have the loudest minds. – Stephen Hawking
I believe whatever doesn’t kill you simply makes you stranger. – Heath Ledger
Having tattoos..It’s a way of suffering for the things that mean a lot to you. – Amy Winehouse
Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them. – J.K Rowling
One person’s craziness is another person’s reality. – Tim Burton
People cry not because they’re weak. It’s because they’ve been strong for too long. – Johnny Depp
Monsters are real, ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win. – Stephen King
I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. – Kurt Cobain
Thoughts can leave deeper scarring than almost anything else. – J.K. Rowling
Hell is empty. All the devils are here. – William Shakespeare
The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls. – Edgar Allan Poe
Life is nothing if you’re not obsessed. – John Waters
Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes. – Charles Bukowski
Don’t put your happiness in other people’s hands. They’ll drop it. They’ll drop it every time. – C. Barzak
I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person. – Audrey Hepburn
Maybe we feel empty because we leave pieces of ourselves in everything we used to love. – R.M. Drake
You don’t have a Soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C.S. Lewis
Despite all my external wounds, my heart was probably gonna take the longest to heal. And I was tired of the pain. – Jenna Hammilton
Sometimes it feels better not to talk at all, about anything, to anyone. – Walter White
No matter where we go, we take ourselves and our damage with us. So is home a place we run to or is it a place we run from? – Dexter Morgan
I’m not sure of what I am. I just know there is something dark in me. And I hide it. – Dexter Morgan
Things change. Doesn’t mean they get better. – Dr House
If someone tells you to change yourself, tell them to go fuck themselves. – Ed Sheeran

For you...

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
I would give the very breath from my chest
To give you all the things that my mind couldn't bear
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I'd love to walk away and pull myself out of the rain
But I can't leave without you
I'd love to live without the constant fear and endless doubt
But I can't live without you
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

- My Immortal, Evanescence

To my beloved sister...

Aren't you somethin' to admire?
'Cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
And I can't help but notice
You reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and
The glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always parallel on the other side

'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass
I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong

'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all along

It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Aren't you somethin', an original
'Cause it doesn't seem merely assembled
And I can't help but stare, 'cause
I see truth somewhere in your eyes
I can't ever change without you
You reflect me, I love that about you
And if I could, I would look at us all the time

'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass
I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong

-Mirrors, Justin Timberlake

Aren't you somethin' to admire, cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always parallell on the other side

Fallen Angels

Δευτέρα 30 Σεπτεμβρίου 2013

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