Fallen Angels: Γιατί;

Τετάρτη 27 Μαΐου 2015

Γιατί;

Ξέρω πως ποτέ δεν θα σταματήσω να σοκάρομαι με την αντίδραση μου προς εσένα. Άγνωστη η βούληση σου κάθε φορά και όσο έκπληκτη και αν μένω, άλλο τόσο εκπλήσσομαι με τη δική μου αντίδραση.

Και για να τα πάρω όλα από την αρχή, όλα ξεκίνησαν από σήμερα το πρωί που μια φίλη μου, μου "είπε τον καφέ" και βρήκε ένα τεράστιο Κ να περιβάλει το δικό μου το φλιτζάνι και να μου λέει διάφορα περί αυτού του Κ.

Και απόψε το βράδυ, όπως καθόμασταν ήσυχα και ωραία στο σπίτι μου με την παρέα μου, να σου και χτυπάει το κινητό μου με ειδοποίηση αιτήματος φιλίας από το Κ.

Το σοκ μου; Απερίγραπτο, όπως και της υπόλοιπης παρέας φυσικά, που ήταν παρούσα και στο ανάγνωσμα του καφέ.

Θέλετε να ξέρετε την πρώτη μου αντίδραση; Η πρώτη μου αντίδραση ήταν να κοιτάω (για δύο λεπτά; Για πέντε λεπτά; Θα σας γελάσω) απορημένη το κινητό μου και να μην πιστεύω στα μάτια μου.

Έπειτα, συνειδητοποιώντας τι συμβαίνει, ένιωσα ένα δάκρυ να τρέχει στο δεξί μου μάγουλο.

Πραγματικά, ύστερα από τόσο καιρό, γιατί συνεχίζει να με επηρεάζει τόσο πολύ ο συγκεκριμένος άνθρωπος; Γιατί να εξαρτάται τόσο πολύ επάνω του η δική μου ψυχολογία; Γιατί να γίνομαι χάλια μόνο και μόνο από ένα τόσο απλό γεγονός;

Η ψυχολογία μου δεν είναι καλά γενικότερα τον τελευταίο καιρό και μου φταίνε όλα και όλοι.

Και ήρθε το κερασάκι να δέσει στην τούρτα.

Τις προάλλες, ήταν η γιορτή σου, που περίμενα μια ψυχρή απάντηση από σένα και μόνο αυτό δεν είχα. Κάθε άλλο η απάντηση σου με εξέπληξε για ακόμα μια φορά.

Και σήμερα αυτό.

Γιατί; Γιατί; Γιατί;

Γιατί μετά από όλες τις αποφάσεις που έχω πάρει για μένα, βρίσκεις έναν τρόπο και μου χτυπάς ξανά την πόρτα;
Γιατί αφήνω για ακόμα μια φορά τον εαυτό μου να επηρεάζεται τόσο πολύ από εσένα;
Γιατί δεν σε έχω ξεπεράσει ακόμα, δυο ολόκληρα χρόνια μετά;

Και τη ζωή μου προχώρησα και όμορφα πέρασα και κάτι καινούριο προσπάθησα και να 'σαι εσύ εδώ, δύο χρόνια μετά, που ξαναέρχεσαι και μου αποδεικνύεις πως όλες μου οι προσπάθειες είναι μάταιες. Πώς ότι και να κάνω έχεις ριζώσει βαθιά μέσα μου και δεν έχεις σκοπό να φύγεις.

Και ας μην σε ξαναέχω ποτέ...

8 σχόλια:

Λίζα19 Ιουνίου 2015 στις 5:43 μ.μ.
1ον λατρεύω το συγκεκριμένο τραγούδι <3

2ον πραγματικά δεν ξέρω γιατί γίνεται αυτό το πράγμα..πάντα πάνω που πας να ξεχάσεις κάποιον τσουπ! ξεπετάγεται μπροστα σου στα καλά καθούμενα..και πάντα σε ταλαιπωρούν με το σκωτσέζικο ντουζ -μια κρύο, μια ζέστη...δεν ξέρω αν τα Κ. το έχουν αυτό το στραβό κι ανάποδο, αν το κάνουν επίτηδες ή αν όλα τα αρσενικά γενικώς και ανεξαιρέτως είναι "πουλερικά ελευθέρας βοσκής" αλλά καταντάει αηδία αυτό το πράγμα... :Ρ
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Daemons

The devil's at his strongest while we're looking the other way, like a program running in the background silently, while we're busy doing other sh1t. Daemons, they call them. They perform action without user interaction. Monitoring, logging, notifications. Primal urges, repressed memories, unconscious habits. They're always there, always active. We can try to be right, we can try to be good. We can try to make a difference, but it's all bullshit. 'Cause intentions are irrelevant. They don't drive us. Daemons do. And me? I've got more than most.

Said...

I think everybody’s weird. We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it. - Johnny Depp
It’s better to burn out than to fade away. – Kurt Cobain
Who said nights were for sleep? – Marilyn Monroe
We only see two things in people, what we want to see and what they want to show us. – Dexter Morgan
To have been loved so deeply, even thought the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever. – J.K. Rowling
Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it. – Swedish proverb
Truth is everybody’s gonna hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for. – Bob Marley
I think a lot but I don’t say much. – Anne Frank
You don’t get another chance. Life is no Nintendo game. – Eminem
Have you ever noticed the saddest person always has the most beautiful smile? – Kid Cudi
Never think about something wrong you did in the past, always look forward with your head high; Have no regrets – Jared Leto
Just because you failed once doesn’t mean you’re going to fail at everything. – Marilyn Monroe
Whatever you are, be a good one. – Abraham Lincoln
Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls, the most massive characters are sealed with scars. – Khalil Gibran
There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s a lot wrong with the world you live in. – Chris Colfer
Always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will sweetie? – Marilyn Monroe
I desire the things which will destroy me in the end. – Sylvia Plath
My darling you can’t see it, can you? How like the moon you are. Both of you so timid in yourselves; hiding pieces from the world. Then, there are those rare moments when you both are full, and it becomes so hard to look away. You are beautiful. – Alexandria Drzewiecki
It is only with the heart that one see rightly; What is essential is invisible to the eyes. – Le Petit Prince
You don’t need religion to have morals. If you can’t determine right from wrong, then you lack empathy, not religion – Anonymous
In dreams we enter a world that is entirely our own. – Albus Dumbledore
Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are. – Kurt Cobain
Nobody dies a virgin. Life fucks us all. – Kurt Cobain
Quiet people have the loudest minds. – Stephen Hawking
I believe whatever doesn’t kill you simply makes you stranger. – Heath Ledger
Having tattoos..It’s a way of suffering for the things that mean a lot to you. – Amy Winehouse
Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them. – J.K Rowling
One person’s craziness is another person’s reality. – Tim Burton
People cry not because they’re weak. It’s because they’ve been strong for too long. – Johnny Depp
Monsters are real, ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win. – Stephen King
I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. – Kurt Cobain
Thoughts can leave deeper scarring than almost anything else. – J.K. Rowling
Hell is empty. All the devils are here. – William Shakespeare
The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls. – Edgar Allan Poe
Life is nothing if you’re not obsessed. – John Waters
Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes. – Charles Bukowski
Don’t put your happiness in other people’s hands. They’ll drop it. They’ll drop it every time. – C. Barzak
I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person. – Audrey Hepburn
Maybe we feel empty because we leave pieces of ourselves in everything we used to love. – R.M. Drake
You don’t have a Soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C.S. Lewis
Despite all my external wounds, my heart was probably gonna take the longest to heal. And I was tired of the pain. – Jenna Hammilton
Sometimes it feels better not to talk at all, about anything, to anyone. – Walter White
No matter where we go, we take ourselves and our damage with us. So is home a place we run to or is it a place we run from? – Dexter Morgan
I’m not sure of what I am. I just know there is something dark in me. And I hide it. – Dexter Morgan
Things change. Doesn’t mean they get better. – Dr House
If someone tells you to change yourself, tell them to go fuck themselves. – Ed Sheeran

For you...

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
I would give the very breath from my chest
To give you all the things that my mind couldn't bear
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I'd love to walk away and pull myself out of the rain
But I can't leave without you
I'd love to live without the constant fear and endless doubt
But I can't live without you
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

- My Immortal, Evanescence

To my beloved sister...

Aren't you somethin' to admire?
'Cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
And I can't help but notice
You reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and
The glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always parallel on the other side

'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass
I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong

'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all along

It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Aren't you somethin', an original
'Cause it doesn't seem merely assembled
And I can't help but stare, 'cause
I see truth somewhere in your eyes
I can't ever change without you
You reflect me, I love that about you
And if I could, I would look at us all the time

'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass
I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong

-Mirrors, Justin Timberlake

Aren't you somethin' to admire, cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always parallell on the other side

Fallen Angels

Τετάρτη 27 Μαΐου 2015

Γιατί;

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For you...

To my beloved sister...