I’m tired of the “getting to know each other process."

They constantly ask, “Why don’t you go on dates? Why don’t you let people get to know you? Why don’t you take a chance?”

It is much easier said than done. It’s not that I don’t let them in, I just really can’t. I just emotionally and mentally can’t allow people to come close to me, and if they do, I will push them away before it gets too far, before our conversations get too deep. I’ve lied awake at night wondering why it is so difficult for me just go on one date and just let myself feel but I haven’t come up with any answers that make sense. Maybe I’m tired of the “getting to know each other process.” I’ve done it enough times; it’s starting to make me exhausted. Or maybe I’ve just seen so many heartaches happening around me and I know the best way to prevent that, is to stay away from it all. They always tell me that if I don’t give other people a chance, at least give myself a chance; to meet others and receive what I deserve but I like it better when I am in charge of my own actions, my own thoughts, and my own feelings. Every time I try to give myself and the other person a chance, I can already see it falling apart before it’s even begins. And my visions happen to come true. So that is why I keep chances to myself, that is why I am this way.


Πηγή: tumblr.com